buddyru
alabama
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Joined: 02/04/2006
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You seem like a good mom,I trust you will do the right thing.
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Dadoffourgirls
China, MI USA
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Joined: 05/29/2003
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Today's kids want to use the new technology. After consideration, we allowed our daughters to have facebook accounts. On facebook, you have to explicitly open your profile to the public, or just allow select individuals. We have an account, and made them grant us access.
Dad of Four Girls
Wife
2001 Yukon XL (8.1L, 4.10)
2002 Dutchmen 31BH4DSL
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Skid Row Joe
Hattiesburg, Mississippi
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Joined: 04/26/2006
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I would think that having a MySpace account for a youngster would be very socially important to them. I would talk to other parents and get their views on what age(s) they deem appropriate for their kids, and take it from there. Your kids may be crushed to not have MySpace accounts - as a non-parent, I just don't know.
I think it may also be appropriate for you to have their username + password. That may be the lynch pin, and hotly contested by the young person.
-Just reading now, so here is my first reaction to your original post.
I have a sweet tender nature, however I enjoy sharing my thoughts and opinions. 
Fulltiming RVer & homeowner.
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ridingfamily4
Corona, CA
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Joined: 03/24/2006
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10tca01 wrote:I just had to chime in here. Sorry for my bias, considering being 18 myself, but seriously? A month or more of NO electronics? Cancelling a birthday party and Halloween? And apparently they're doing just fine in school...I just don't get why such harsh punishments would be justified by just the act of opening a MySpace. I understand that they went against your wishes, and that I agree IS punishable, but not so harshly. Taking away computer privliges for a while would be fine, but the TV, ipod, video games, radio, and on and on....???? 
Also, here's what I think about MySpace. First, I agree, the internet is a dangerous place. But sometimes you have to instill enough trust in your kids that they won't do anything bad. My parents have, I have my own computer with no internet security and have since 7th grade. My parents trust me enough that I won't do anything bad, and I don't. Next, I have a facebook account, and I tell you it's pretty amazing to have. So much easier to get messages from friends, keep up with things. Communicate in general. It really is a VERY safe site, considering no one can see your account OR communicate with you unless you approve them as a friend. MySpace is the same way. It's a safe thing, and I'm having a very hard time understanding why you don't think your kids should have one. Especially the 14 year old, that's more than old enough.
I know I'll probably get alot of flack for this, but I just thought I would post my thoughts on the issue. Remember, it's just my opinion
Tyler
I would expect that would be your opinion, considering your age and lack of life experiences. That is not a slam, just my opinion.
First - some (not all) young girls are impressionable. My niece - who was trusted, was 14, got good grades, etc. - also was allowed to have a myspace account. My sister monitored it closely. My niece became friends with "a 15 y/o guy in another state" They talked innocently for months - THEN he started asking her to come visit him - becoming more and more persistent. He told her he would send her a bus ticket, a plane ticket, etc. My sister called the cops to have him checked out - "15 y/o guy" was actually a 47 y/o pedophile. So YES, it does happen. Had my sister not been diligent in checking on this account - there may have been some dire consequences. The CREEPS are out there.
How did she friend him? He was a "friend of a friend of a friend, etc". Kids really don't check these things out. In fact it is a 'kewl' thing to have the most "friends".
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Code2High
Ridgecrest, CA
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Joined: 12/21/2004
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Hard to imagine a "bigger battle" than convincing a tween and a teen that lying and disobeying rules their parents made to protect them are unacceptable behaviors. Reinforcing their bad behavior by letting them keep the accounts would be about like giving your dog a treat for running away from you when you say "come!" (Actually, looking at who is saying what here is pretty funny if you're familiar with Pet Stop dynamics.)
For the OP, it really comes down to how you want them to remember this. Do you want them to think of this incident and say "oh, we lied to Mom and did something she told us not to, and it ruined Halloween, AND a birthday party." Or do you want them to think something else? What do you want them to think of, next time they're with their friends and considering doing something they ought not? What do you want them to say to their friends?
One thought that flits across my weary brain is that you could actually let them choose. Give them 2 or 3 options.... Longer restriction with trick or treat, shorter without, something like that, and let them pick what they give up. Make sure that all the options are unnatractive in their own way, of course. As far as the party, I would not let social concerns enter in. It sets a bad precedent. Everyone is over-booked, and I'm sure her friends can find something to do if the party is off. Having your kids think that social concerns are more important to you than their behavior... not so great.
susan
They didn't call her "Plain Gravy" for nothing.
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chuckster11
Idaho
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Joined: 04/30/2004
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I raised three daughters, went thru some of the same kinds of things you are experiencing, some of the "discipline" worked and some didn't. I have no solid advice to give you--I have always felt I was lucky that my kids turned out to be pretty good citizens given the hit or miss attempts at parenting I employed over the years. I do believe that "gentle under reaction" is always a good policy with teenagers.
Guess you are on your own, do your best. Remember, this is why they are paying you the big bucks for being a parent! Good luck.
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SRT
Head of the Lakes, MN
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Joined: 02/18/2001
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campin4kids wrote:My 11 and 14 year old girls went behind my back and created Myspace accounts after they asked me and I said not until they were older. Obviously I found out about it this morning when I over heard the 11 year old talking to a neighbor girl about pictures and buddies. I think the accounts were created at said neighbor girls house.
We have been planning a Halloween/Birthday Party for 14 yr old on Friday and there is Trick or Treating Saturday. Do any of you think these things should be involved in the punishment. What do you think is appropriate?
Feeling bad 
Not a toughie. They went behind your back dis-obeyed. I'd say they lost out on the birthday party and trick or treating. JMHO.
SRT
2000 32' HR Vacationer with Banks
1998 Subaru Outback Ltd. 5 spd
Brake Buddy & Blue Ox Aventa II tow bar
FMCA #266040 HRRVC #84109
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CA POPPY
Santa Clarita, CA, USA
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Joined: 07/07/2003
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At a "certain age" it is almost imperative that teens or tweens have a part of life they keep from their parents. It's something about that whole separating phase of development that you don't want to keep them from accomplishing, because next thing you know the kid is 30 and still living at home. BUT.....an eleven year old????? That's a baby in anybody's book. And all you have to do is read a newspaper or watch TV to see the horrible possibilities a child's yearning to be "all grown up" can lead to. I'd want them to get, "My parents are strict and they don't understand me, but I know they care about me and want me to be safe." Let them whine and complain that they are the only kids on the block who don't have a My Space page. And then let them know that they can prove they are trustworthy in other ways and you'll revisit the My Space issue in the future. I hope both parents of these girls agree on their rules. That was a big issue (and problem) here. I am truly glad we don't have to go through it again.
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10tca01
Columbia Missouri
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Joined: 02/25/2008
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PRT wrote:I'm not going to knock you on it since you were honest and know what you are doing, but you are 18 and much wiser than an 11 or 14 year old.
And I'm being honest and really wonder why you are on a forum with people so far out of your age range, many of us, rather than hanging out and playing drums. I may well be out of touch but that does strike me as odd for a boy your age.
Well thank you And Nah it's not odd at all. 99% of my time is spent away from my computer doing things that people my age do. School, drumming, hanging out with friends, etc. I don't just sit around all the time reading RV forums. In fact, I spend very little time on here. I just happened to come across this topic last night. The reason I like to browse around here is because I enjoy RVing just as much as anyone, just because I'm 18 doesn't mean I can't enjoy that. That is the reason I like to browse around these forums with a bunch of people way out of my age range  Anyway, I suppose it's ultimately the OP's decision. Whatever is decided is what's right for them.
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Crowe
Billerica, MA USA
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Joined: 01/29/2002
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Pat, my 17 year old (18 in two months) would be right at home here. 10tca01 and he are quite similar. Many teens are older than their years and require a different kind of stimulation. They are just different and unless you live with a kid like that it's kind of hard to understand. You wouldn't say that to a kid that was volunteering at the Senior Center or something so why would it be different here? He's keeping us entertained and offers a different perspective that most of us don't even remember having. What he doesn't have is our perspective on how scary it is to be a parent with so much technology at our kid's fingertips and what it can lead to. That comes with experience only.
The trust isn't broken forever. Whatever you decide, stick to it and allow them to build the trust back up again. Then discuss when they can have that kind of account. Set guidelines and punishments in advance. Then let them sprout wings, a little at a time.
Life is too short to spend it all in one place!
2004 Gulfstream Endura
2010 Subaru Outback soon-to-be toad
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